Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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