It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
