Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
