I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize