So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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