i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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