well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
