She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
