There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
