Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
