If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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