I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
