Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
