You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
