i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize