Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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