so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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