my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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