I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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