How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
