Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize