I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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