all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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