The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
third nipple confirmed
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
