I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
