Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
