I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
