Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
