I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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