never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
