opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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