i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
