The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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