Do you still have your period?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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