I'm going to jail i love you
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
