Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
