you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize