I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
