Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
