Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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