But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
