So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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