It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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