I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
