Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
