Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
