kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
