wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Never joke about your clitoris.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
