An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
