she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
