When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I did not marry a roomba.
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