I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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