We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
