Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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