You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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