just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
