She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
