im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
