im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
