I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
