Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
