3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
