so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
