I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize