Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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