I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize