She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
