I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
her vagine was all disorganized.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
