I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
