apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
