My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
