So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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