I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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