Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
