Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
