Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
