one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
