My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize